"Get In The Car"
So as this time of year gets close again, I always think back to my first college dorm room set-up and here’s my best piece of advice.
RUN!!
After all the goodies are put away, posters hung and their room is neat and clean for the first time in forever, RUN!!! Don’t look back. RUN!! Get in the Car!!
When my son went off to college for the first time we spent most of the summer before guessing who was going to cry first, he or I. Of course, I said, “cry, whose going to cry? I’m going to skip out the door and smile all the way home”. I couldn’t wait for him to go.
I don’t know about all you parents out there getting ready for this big day, but I noticed when it gets close, they become crazy. Never fought so much with him in his 17 yrs. I know in their minds we don’t know much, but that week, I was the biggest moron ever.
What I’ve come to find out over the years while getting them ready to go, they are so scared, they don’t know what to do. They talk a big game, “Oh I can’t wait to get out of here”, “I’m not going to miss this place”, “can’t wait to be alone, do what I want when I want”, etc.
Well, when the week before comes and they say their goodbyes to their friends, like they are going to Mars for four year, reality hits, and they become a bunch of Nervous Nellies. Scared to death.
So I say ignore it! Let them say what they want, don’t take it personally; they are out of their minds with fear. Mostly, for the unknown. Who will I hang with, what will I do without my BFFs and so on. Like I said earlier “RUN”. “RUN” as fast as you can, get in that car, throw it in reverse and accelerate. Don’t worry, when you get home, the phone will ring and they’ll want to know how you are and what’s going on!
Oh, and neither one of us cried!
Enjoy it; it goes fast, really fast.
John Hayes
2:50 pm on Tuesday, August 21, 2012
That is so true. I remember dropping my son off freshman year, and my wife and I were expecting a big teary movie scene. All he wanted was for us to leave so he could start enjoying college life. So we said our goodbyes and did our crying in the car.
Lisa
2:59 pm on Tuesday, August 21, 2012
We just dropped off our son and we did the same thing! We ran! and yes niether of us cried! We are happy as he begins the next chapter in his life. It is up to him now to find his way! I wish them all alot of luck!
Kelly
3:16 pm on Tuesday, August 21, 2012
LOL, this reminds me of my mother dropping me off at college.
I was all moved in and it was time for the parents to leave. Many families were gathered in a courtyard saying their good-byes before the students went off to orientation. There had been some problem with the door locks on my parents house (can't remember what) but as parted ways, I remembered the house key and turned and shouted "Mom, I forgot to give you my house key." She called back "Don't worry, your father is getting the locks changed!"
I didn't see it but my mother swore she got dirty looks the whole way back to the car. :-)
Maureen M
7:59 am on Monday, August 27, 2012
My friend (Pally) found your article and suggested I read it. I am so glad I did. My daughter fought with me horribly before she left. I couldn't wait. I knew I would be sad because of all the fighting however I lost it when we said goodbye. I felt like it was all my fault. Now that I read your article I feel much better. It was definitely her fault LOL (only kidding). Thanks again.
John M.
3:45 pm on Tuesday, August 21, 2012
When our first child went off to college we were too busy with the other four still at home to feel bad. When we finally had an empty nest after 33 years of having at least one child around, we were too old and tired to feel bad. Oh by the way, with this economy, they will probably be back before you know it.
TINO
9:56 am on Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Funny. my kids are young and nowhere near on sending them to college. There is days when i can't wait for them to leave but I also miss them very much when I am away on business. This is parenting..
Jane Yager-Baumrind
11:53 am on Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Thanks Everyone, for your responses. It is a very bittersweet time, I of course, only saw the sweet side. So glad to see so many had same experience as me, no tears, running fast and some more at home to take up your time and energy. After I set up the second one, I remember standing on a corner waiting for my ride in beautiful southern California, eating a bag of chips and thinking "what the hell was that, I'm exhausted". Couldn't get on that plane fast enough. LOL LOL
Craig Hueneke
2:02 pm on Wednesday, August 22, 2012
I still have the scars from the time my parents dropped me off.. My dad didn't scream
"Tuck and Roll" until about 30 seconds after they kicked me out the car door at 30 MPH..by that time I was flopping around the parking lot like a fish out of water! LOL..
But being the youngest of 5 I can see where they were coming from.. LOL..
John M.
2:50 pm on Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Craig, that was really thoughtless of your parents. At least my father gave me a warning so I could get my seat belt off, slowed to 5 MPH and found a grassy spot for a landing. As a former paratrooper, he was considerate on my first jump.
Tee Smyth
2:03 pm on Wednesday, August 22, 2012
I don't have kids, but I remember my parents dropping me off. As I watched them pull off, I cried. Awwwww. I never asked them what they did as they pulled off.
Barb
2:06 pm on Wednesday, August 22, 2012
So true! My college junior leaves for school tomorrow. Last year I never even saw his dorm room--not once. I doubt I'll see this year's apartment either. But I know I'll hear from him plenty as he learns to cook for himself. I'm excited for him to start on this year's adventure.
Jane Yager-Baumrind
2:42 pm on Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Craig, I often say when my last one, which is a girl leaves, I'm just going to give her a car and a credit card. All I ask is that she call when she has landed and let me know where that is. I don't think I'll have it in me to do it again. It just may happen with the next one which is this time next year. LOL
Jane Yager-Baumrind
2:46 pm on Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Barb,
When my oldest graduated last year and we pulled in to the driveway of the "house" he was renting, I had heard so many bad things, I never got out of the car. My imagination was enough to tell me DON"T. Everyone asked, "hey mom, don't you want to come in", "no I'm good, all good" was my response. I hear his new place is where it's at, 'on the beach'. Looks like he learned a lesson well! HaHa Enjoy his junior year, they fly!
Jane Yager-Baumrind
8:49 am on Monday, August 27, 2012
Maureen, I'm so glad you are feeling better about your daughter going off to school. I'm glad I could "help" a little. Believe me, by the time she comes home for Thanksgiving, you'll be BFF's again. Of, course she'll be a grown up and know way more than you, but its all be good. Enjoy the quite time!
Travis
3:55 pm on Monday, August 27, 2012
Dear Father and Mother:
July is the month I remember which brings not only your wedding anniversary but also Father's Day and Mother's birthday. I'm sorry I can't remember the exact dates, but I hope this card will take care of them all. I'm sorry again I cannot send you my address like I promised to last year. But the sensitive nature of my work for the government demands utmost secrecy. I know you will understand. I am healthy and well and making lots of money. I have been going with a girl for several months and I know you would be proud if you could see her. Her name is Betsy but I can tell you no more than that...I hope this card finds you all well as it does me. I hope no one has died. Don't worry about me. One day, they'll be a knock on the door and it'll be me.
Love, Travis