Pay Attention to Your Child's Online Activity, Parent of Bullied Son Warns

Ryan Halligan was like many 13-year-old boys. He liked sports and enjoyed chatting with friends online.

But he committed suicide on Oct. 7, 2003 by hanging himself. Halligan, like many other people his age, was bullied online. He was bullied so badly that he took his own life.

Halligan’s father John spoke to a group of about 50 parents about his son, the dangers of cyber bullying, and what can be done to prevent it at Walter T. Bergen Middle School Monday night. He gave presentations to students earlier in the day.

John and his family lived in Vermont when Ryan died. They have since relocated to Long island. Halligan spearheaded 

“Parents, you have got to pay attention to what your kids are doing online,” John Halligan said.

For Ryan, the bullying began in 5th grade. A boy began bullying him because he was a little slower than some of his classmates. He had a meltdown in the seventh grade.

John Halligan came home one day to find his Ryan with his head down on the kitchen table.

“He said to me, ‘I hate that school and I never want to go back there again,'” Halligan said.

Ryan’s father had the idea of going to the school and talking to the bully, Ryan’s teacher, or a guidance counselor. He wanted to be there for his son and see that the bullying stopped. But Ryan begged his father not to go, saying that it would only make things worse.

The bully had started a rumor online that Ryan was gay. Ryan then went online and tried to debunk the rumor by getting a girlfriend. He began talking to one particular girl over the summer who told Ryan online that she liked him. But at school he told him that he was a loser and that she was just “joking around.” Halligan said she told his son this in front of her friends, further adding to Ryan’s embarrassment.

Ryan ended up chatting with someone online about committing suicide without anyone knowing. After Ryan died, Halligan began searching through his son’s chat conversations and discovered the conversations.

Halligan said Ryan never told him or his mother about what he was struggling with. Halligan urged parents to take deliberate steps ensure their children’s safety online.

“Don’t have any secret passwords,” Halligan said. “Tell your kids that there’s going to be one password for all of their online accounts. Tell them you’re not going to spy on them but that if something should happen to them, you need to be able to get into their accounts to find out what went wrong.”

There should also be another adult in a child’s life, a guidance counselor for instance, that he or she can go to in confidence and tell them exactly what they’re feeling and experiencing.

One day Ryan said to his parents “I’m stupid, what’s the point of living?” Halligan said. “I though he needed a hug, but what he really needed was tot ask him a very important question: ‘Ryan, are you suicidal?’”

Children should be examined once a year by a pediatrician and asked if everyone is OK. They might be more apt to open up if someone other than their mother or father asks them the question, Halligan said.

Halligan said the friends of bullies and kids who are bullied need to step up and know when to say when enough is enough.

“Don’t be a bystander,” Halligan said. “Stand up to your friend and stand up for someone who is being bullied.” 

For more information about Ryan Halligan and his family's ongoing work to educate others about the dangers of cyber bullying, click here.